Dear Future Daughter,
The sun hadn’t broken through the misty sky yet. It was still dark and beautiful. It was quiet and mine. And this kind of environment gives you a lot of time to think about what you want, what you have been doing, what you want to do and why what is happening is happening. And this was exactly what I was doing at 4 in the morning a few days ago. With each brush of the cool, gentle air across my cheeks, my head became clearer and clearer and the position of the woman to whom I look up to became evident to me. Her mental position. What she goes through every day. No, it’s not anything too bad. It’s just how much her mind is troubled and how much she decided to tuck away in that deep mind of hers and doesn’t allow it to show on her face. Her husband is a very loving man or at least that is what I choose to believe. He cares for her but for selfish reasons. Because he knows that if she is gone, who will look after him? Provide him with the moral and emotional support every man needs from time to time to help him through the many struggles of life? But what he fails or maybe refuses to realise is that the same kind of care and tenderness is needed by his wife too. Desperately. But that is of little importance because she is so good at hiding her emotions and he, on the other hand, is not good enough to look past the thin veil. I remember when I related to her how Desdemona was killed by Othello due to suspicions based on jealousy. How he did not bother to ask his wife of the truth and how he could not look into the eyes of the woman he supposedly loved so much and could not discern whether she was telling the truth or not. And how, on the other hand, Desdemona still did not betray her husband when asked at her death bed about her killer. How she lied just to make sure that nothing ill befalls her husband when she is gone. I can distinctly hear the woman’s words now, what she said to me in reply to what I was referring to.
”It is a man’s universal nature, love. You cannot change that. He will always be the more jealous and he is subject to do things that he might regret later. We just have learn to live with it. No matter the evolution of the human race, a man’s pride and jealousy cannot be changed. We, as women, have to bear it.”
And at that time I wondered if it was her own experience that had led to such thoughts and convictions or was it her own mother who had passed on the words of wisdom to her daughter in order to make it known that ”it is a woman’s duty to maintain the marriage. To hold it all together as long as she can. And then, a bit longer.”
And it broke my heart when I realised that how much oppression they must have faced back in the day. If not physical, then mental which is worse still. How many harsh words her mother and her mother before that must have gobbled down the throat just because ”they must hold it together.”
To you, darling, I say, ”Screw that. Don’t be afraid of being single. Of being alone. Alone is fun. Alone means freedom. But never bow down to some douchebag who knows not how to respect someone’s emotions. And that person can be a man or a woman, it doesn’t matter. Find yourself someone worthy and until then, be alone. Don’t be afraid to break it off, no matter how many years you are into the shit. If you think it’s killing you, you have the right to leave and never look back. You were born to be happy. You were born to make your own choices. You were born to adore yourself. You were born to be with someone who can look into your eyes and know instantly that something’s wrong. With someone who respects your emotions. Never settle for less than that. Your mother never did.”
To her Future Husband,
If you are anything like what is described above, don’t bother!